Our twelve year old daughter suffers from Aspergers Syndrome which is a high functioning form of autism. For her it has meant quick mindedness in one area (reading and language) and frustration in another (math). Most of this is because her mind does not go at "warp speed" on math as it does with her reading. She actually has to slow down and reason through the steps to solve math problems like the rest of the world. The ease of absorbing words seems normal to her so all cognitive activity should duplicate it in her opinion.
Another effect of this syndrome is the inability for her to sift through background and foreground noise. She hears both at the same level. In math class, where she does have to concentrate, the teacher will often seat her somewhat away from the rest of the class. This physical distance sometimes help her to concentrate on the teacher and ignore the whisperings of her classmates. Loud sudden noises seem overwhelming to her and it was awhile before she could tolerate a fire drill without running out the school doors in terror. Fright or flight kicks in immediately and she has jeopardized her own safety by running. Comforting words by her teachers and classmates often times are unrecognized simply because the alarm is so "mind filling" (sensory overload) she cannot hear anything else. She now grits her teeth and remains with her classmates but it is almost physically painful for her to bear.
Social interactions can be awkward. She does not read facial expressions naturally like most children. Often times she will not realize she is causing irritation or annoyance until the person is really mad. Most often she will get the idea not from the facial expression of a person but from their voice. If it is sharp and loud she will notice it because of her sensitive hearing and then her brain will cognate the change of voice as a sign of anger. The latter happens because her brain has caught on to the fact that angry people are loud. Sometimes she will also interpret someone yelling or cheering in excitement or someone speaking loudly to gain attention (like a teacher in front of a class) as a sign of anger because her brain has stored this interpretation as the primary reason a person will raise their voice. She has often thought someone is angry when they are not because of this. She has learned to look for the expression on a person's face after such a vocalization for clues as to what the person is feeling. Most of us make these judgments without consciously thinking about it. She cannot. She has to deduce the reason the person is speaking loudly.
Another social cue that she will consistently miss is boredom. Aspergers or "Aspies" tend to become fascinated to the point of obsession with one subject at a time. Whatever that interest is, it becomes all consuming. Talia is no exception to this. Some of the interests she has had are fairly consistent other children her age: Webkinz, video games, popular music, cartoons, Nickolodeon shows and books written for middle school age kids. Some of them have been more unusual: the date brand name companies (such as Lee Jeans) started production, cryptozoology, space alien "encounters, recipes, breeds of hamsters, the scientific classification of animals, endangered animals, brands of soda, "classic toys" and YouTube videos of any of the aforementioned typical or atypical subjects. Luckily these change fairly often and she retains some interest in past interests so she does have more than one subject to discuss with others. For the most part she will barrage the person she's talking to with more information than he or she ever wanted to know about
the subject her mind has settled on for the present. She will not catch the social cues of her listener looking away, fidgeting, checking time or walking away as a sign of boredom. She is confused by these reactions and ever so slowly she is learning that not everyone in the world wants to know what she has named each of her upteen Webkinz stuffed animals.
Physical games or sports are asking for social osterization most of the time. She is awkward and uncoordinated at times. She shuffles her feet without realizing it. It is hard for her to catch or throw a ball, run quickly or follow an aerobics routine. She has been off the growth charts for heighth (or length) since she was nine months old. I don't know if abnormal heighth or length can be called a symptom of Aspergers Syndrome or not but the majority of Aspies I've met are tall for their age and long-limbed. I don't know why but I would think it adds to the problem of coordination. She has not been required to attend PE classes so far this year because of these coordination problems. She enjoys walking and surprisingly roller skating--maybe because both of these are at her own pace.
All through school Talia has had her share of friends. She has never been totally unliked or felt completely alone. The kids have been orientated on her disability for one thing. The schools she's attended have been diligent in not letting her get picked on for another. For both, the school system where I live gets my full gratitude. Talia has also been made to see herself as part of the school community who has to take responsibility for her actions.
This is has been particularly helpful when dealing with the emotional outbursts Aspergers causes. She has to apologize for her outbursts and inappropriate behavior. Anger hits her hard and she has been known to scream profanities and work herself up into a rage. When she was younger she would even hit other students and once or twice a teacher. This didn't cause anyone any real damage but obviously it was a behavior that needed to be curtailed immediately. What was particularly alarming is that she would not remember what angered her or what she did when she was angry afterwards. Fight or flight in these is so intense in these kids that which ever neurologically comes up that day will cause chaos for the teacher and his or her ability to conduct class. Luckily there are paras and special education staff ready to help. This does not mean that we or the school have removed her from responsibility for her actions. Quite the contrary. We tell her she has this disability that makes her react strongly. Her responsibility is to learn to handle that strong reaction in an appropriate manner. Luckily the days of her hitting someone or running out the school doors and hiding are over. She is into the verbal side of expression these days which is not always appropriate either.
By trial and error we have found the things that work specifically for her. As a parent of an Asperger's child that's what you do: try until you find something that works for your child with the aid of a counselor or a special education teacher. The most effective technique for her has been having a safe place she can go to cool down when she feels overwhelmed. This has been a quiet part of the classroom like where the kids hang their coats, the hallway outside the classroom, the office, the counselor's office, an empty classroom or the restroom. She counts, she uses breathing techniques, she rates her agitation from one to five in intensity. Often times she can even stay in the classroom when she is at a three or lower by using a journal to write down her feelings no matter how intense. The worst issue we've had to deal with in middle school is her saying verbally, "I'm so angry I want to blow up the school" or some other threatening sounding statement. In elementary school they would ignore this and rebuke her for saying she wanted to do harm. (When asked if she really wanted to hurt someone or something she would always say no with conviction.) It's always been part of the strong reaction Aspies are prone to. Now in middle school they take such things far more seriously. There are calls to Mom and Dad and counselor appointments and decisions whether to call the police. The first and last time something like this happened she learned that this was something that caused a big response. Attention was gained but so was punishment. We've learned you have to make the punishment something so uniquely unsavory to her that it will override the automatic neurological response. For her, losing computer privileges is like shackling her in a dungeon. She suffered this sentence for a long time. They gave her a journal for each class where she can write "I would like to smack Billy in the mouth for calling me stupid" without verbally saying it. She gets the emotion out and then forgets about it. It's simply a release. She does not hit or threaten she just expresses. So far this has worked. We're happy because we aren't getting calls at work, having to run her to her counselor for evaluation and having to deal with the stress of figuring out who stays home with her for the rest of the day. Nobody at school is scared. Classes aren't disrupted. The situation is diffused and life goes peacefully on.
Life isn't always peaceful for the parent of an Aspergers child. You find out from kindergarten that you are never the mom who gets to pick up their child, wave at the teacher and leave. No, you are the mother the teacher is determined to make eye contact with, will crook her finger at to come over and then whisper "Do you have a minute?" You will stand there uncomfortably as she says goodbye to all the other kids and lavishes compliments about them to the other mothers. She will then smile at you with clenched teeth and say, "(Insert your child's name) is having some difficulty with (insert any number of issues like speaking in turn, taking turns, not disrupting class, not running off, refusing to transition, not participating in group activities, etc. etc.)". Don't take it personally. The teacher is not trying to ostercize you. She is on a tight schedule and your kid is driving her nuts and she wants your help. It really is out of concern for your child. Yes, you will dread seeing her, picking your child up and the school in general but for gosh sakes talk to her. This may be your and her only chance to truly understand each other. I'm not saying it isn't hard to stand there and wish you could be like neurotypical mothers. Once at the height of my frustration I yelled at my child, "I want to be like the other mommies and just pick you up, wave at your teacher and leave! I don't want have to talk about what you did wrong! I just want to walk out holding your hand with a smile like they do!" Okay I probably set my daughter's progress back with that. I apologized to her later. I do understand it is so hard but hang in there. Call and email his or her teachers if you don't hear from them. IEP meetings are not enough. You have to know her teachers and they have to know you. Look at them as coworkers in working with your child and you are much better off.
